This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 8; the eighth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.
Note :- Due to some problem the upper link of comments is not working. You can comment at the end of the post. :) And yes to all those who are visiting my blog for the first time, guys am writing a story HE WAS NORMAL, do check it out on my home page and tell me hows it. Thank you :)
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Prologue
" Shit its cold, but how come Riya is not here.", Raj thought.
" Hey darling.", Riya whispered in Raj's ears and hugged him form back.
" Where were you? I was worried. Anyway why is it so cold here. Where are we dear? ", he questioned her.
" Its winter right now, and we are in Rishikesh.", she answered while giving him his jacket.
" Is this the place where i was born. Is this the same city ?, i mean look at this, just sadhus all around. The mountains are there, and so it the Ganga. But where is everything else.", Raj was tensed, he tried to find the answer in his mind but he was confused.
" Yes baby, this is the Rishikesh. And hey you are going to take birth in this place after 880 years, we are in 1109 AD.", Riya tried to clear his doubt.
15th June 1997
“ Dadaji tell me that story about 2012 which you said you will tell me.”, Raj pleaded.
“ Ok Raj, tonight I am going to tell you this story. They say its a real one but no one knows the exact truth.” Dadaji said.
“ Ok fine, start”
“ Long time ago in year 1109 AD, the Sadhu's came to know that the world is going to finish in 2012 AD. “, Dadaji started with the story.
“ What dadaji means we are going to die after 18 yrs.”, Raj questioned.
“ No beta listen to the story.”
“Ok Dadaji”
“ So the Sadhus, prayed a lot and tried to find the solution. One day, they found a solution. The solution required girls from the 20th century. The girls who were born within 100 years of 2012 were needed. A total number of 2012 girls were required.” said Dadaji.
“ But how were they going to get so many girls. What did they plan to do ?”, Raj questioned.
“ They deviced a chart, it had 4 circles at the corners. A mantra was written in the centre, along with the instructions.”, Dadaji answered.
“ What instruction and what was that mantra for ?”, asked Raj
“ That was a TIME TRAVEL chart, the mantra is to be said with 4 diyas at the corner circle. And once you have recited the mantra 3 times as said in the instruction, you will travel to the date which first comes into your mind.”, Dadaji said.
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5th March 2010
" I again saw that dream last night, i saw a Sadhu coming towards me. He took my hand and took me to the sky, showed me the earth from above. I saw 2012 written on whole of the earth.", Riya said.
" Not again, you again read about 2012 last night over the internet. I told you dear its all just rumor, nothing like that is going to happen.", Raj said and hugged Riya.
" No Raj am really very scared. The dream do mean something, something like this never happened before.”
Raj and Riya sat on a nearby bench, Raj was trying to pamper Riya so that she can forget about the dream that is haunting her from weeks.
“ Raj look at this. I have seen this in one of my dreams.”, Riya said while pointing towards something.
“ That is just a chart paper with something written in Sanskrit on it. Wait I somehow remember this thing, I have heard about this paper with circles at the corners. I don't know where I did, but I know this. “, Raj was confused.
“ What are you saying Raj ? Where have you heard about it and I also have seen it in my dreams”
“ You know na Sanskrit. Read what is written on the paper.”, Raj asked Riya to find out.
“ RAAAAAAJ !!! Its a time travel, here the instructions are given how to use it. Raj its a bloody time travel.”, Riya shouted in excitement.
“ Heh, thats just a chart paper. It is not a time travel, some kids might have done this. I do not believe into all this and you also should not. “, said Raj.
“ No Raj I want to try this. Please Raj, lets try this. “, Riya begged him to accompany her.
“ No not today, I have to go now. But tomorrow in the evening we will.”, Raj said.
“ Sure”
“Yes sure”
And they used the time travel next evening, they were not sure about if it gonna work. But it did, and they reached on the date which came into the mind of Riya at that moment. The year that came into her mind was 1109 AD
1109 AD
“ But how come you came in 1109 AD, whats so special about this year.”, Raj asked.
“ Don't know thats the first year that came into my mind somehow.”, Riya answered while looking puzzled.
“ What happened baby, are you fine”, asked Riya
“ Yes I am just feeling dizzy. That hole in which we were sucked after reading the mantra, nearly made me vomit.”, said Raj angrily.
“ Oh my poor darling.”, Riya said and hugged him.
“ Hey no we are here what are we going to do.”, Raj asked.
They walked ahead, the wind was little bit chilly. They can hear the voice of Ganga. The river was gleaming in the moon shine, the flow of river was boisterous. The voice of the water spiraling around and playing with the rocks of Himalayas was deafening. The Ganga was looking like a goddess who is dancing in happiness, who doesn't have anything to worry about. The river looked like it will engulf anyone who will come in its way
The terrain was fully green, he thought that after some 900 years this place would be a full fledged city. Riya found a way through the forest. The moon was shining but still there was darkness inside the forest, there was pin drop silence and the only noise that was made, was due to their footsteps.
“ Shhh, someone is there”, Raj held Riya's hand and placed his palm on her mouth.
“ Raj what happened is someone following us”, Riya whispered into Raj's ears.
“ I don't know let me see. You stay here I will be back in a minute”
“ No Raj don't go, I am scared.”, Riya said and held Raj's hand.
“ No let me check out, we have to go back home somehow.”
Raj, left Riya under a banyan tree. He asked her to hide herself properly until he came back and Raj went ahead deeper into the forest.
“ Raaaaaaj, Save me”, Riya shrieked.
Raj came back running, he did not find Riya under the tree nor did he heard anymore sounds. He got tensed, there was no noise, even the noise of the person following him had faded away. Raj was not able to understand what happened. But he was more worried about the mysterious disappearance of Riya.
Why didn't she shout again, where has she gone ? He thought.
He moved ahead along the way, he was getting afraid because of the kind of environment he was in. Rishikesh was a holy place but at that moment he felt as if its the most dangerous place on earth. He was trembling, he cursed the moment when Riya saw the TIME TRAVEL chart. He had no other option, the chart was with Riya, she took it before being sucked into the TIME TRAVEL hole.
Suddenly, Raj saw some light a little bit far ahead. Instead of approaching the lighted area directly, he hid himself in the bushes and observed the proceedings.
Shit these are some different kind of Sadhus, I can identify them. These were the ones discovery was covering last month. They were saying something wrong about them but i can't remember what. Shit shit where am I, oh god please help me. I can't believe in what mess I am tonight. Raj thought
Suddenly, he felt some hand pulling him. And before he can shout, he experienced a sharp pain in his head, someone hit him with a rock.
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15th June 1997
“ So once they will reach in 1109 AD, the holy sadhus are going to meet them.”, Raj asked
“ Those Sadhus are not holy son.”, Dadaji said.
“ Then who are they ?”, Raj asked again.
“ Those are AGHORI sadhus, they eat human flesh.”
“ What, are you serious, are the animals ? “, asked Raj
“ Yes son it might be shocking to you but its true. They survive on human body only.”, Dadaji answered.
“ And they needed 2012 girls who took birth in 20th century.”
“ Yes”, Dadaji replied.
“ And they are going to eat those girls”, asked Raj, he was trembling with fear.
“ Raj , I want to tell you this is not proved. But yes, if it is true then they are going to eat those girl”, replied Dadaji and asked Raj to forget the story and don't ever think about it.
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1109 AD
Raj fell on the ground, he felt a severe pain under his neck but he was not able to touch his neck. And before he could do anything he realized the horrific situation he was in.
His head was detached, but his brain was still alive, there were still seconds left before death to overcome him. He was praying to god, he wanted to come out of the dream but unfortunately that wasn't dream. He was worried about his mom who will be waiting for him to come back home, he remembered her saying that she would be preparing Pav Bhaji for him that night. He wanted to go back home, but it was his head which was left. He was praying to god to end his misery, he wanted to cry but tears did not came out. The pain was severe, he closed his eyes.
But he felt something even more scary, he was not aware about Riya. He wanted to shout and tell her to go back home as soon as possible, he prayed to god to save her. He wanted to get up and kill everyone there but he can't as he did not had his body with him.
He opened his eyes to look for the last time if he could see Riya, and yes he did.
Riya was also in front of him but like him only the head was there, a drop of tear fell from his eyes. But before he could close his eyes again and handover himself to death, he saw something.
2012 was written on Riya's forehead in sanskrit with the ash.
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38 comments:
Hey if you had problem commenting earlier then its solved :)
And yes its no where related to my main story HE WAS NORMAL
A lenghty piece but a swell effort! Must have taken you some time to craft it carefully?
@Vibhuti
hey thnx..... seriously speaking in thinking all the concept it took only a shower bath.... but yes in writing it took time....i had to edit the original story to make it less confusing.....
Wow...this was good... But what happened to Riya and Raj in reality.. Did they really go back in time.. The story that Dadaji told Raj came true..?
Hey Wow..thats an amazing story ...at first I thought it was like Love Story 2050 , but then its much more good than that ! You kept me hooked to the story till end and after that making me wonder what would have happened next ?
@blogger
Thank you so much :)
@Chanz
Thnx thnx....but ua u read na it happened in real....they went to 1109 AD and in last Roya became the 2012th victim of aghori sadhus... a
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I hope the story isnt tht much confusing and moreover i never thought this idea of mine which i thought was rubbish will be appreciated this much by u all ...thnks so much :)
@abhinav
excellently written! I really loved this one the best! Very well thought! cheers!
the structure of the story reminded me of a pendulum of a clock. back and forth, good effort.
It is hard to make sense with something like this swaying backwards and forwards. looking forward to reading more from you :) this was enjoyable, all the luck for BATOM!
@saro
hey i knw it kinda confusing but i wanted to remain it like tht....i hve never written such a story it was an experiment....
Well if you want to read my proper work then go to the blog's home page and do check out ... HE WAS NORMAL ... a long story i am writing
scary and amazing...well written as always :)
The story definitely has the potential to be a movie:) Nice idea :)
Pappu chaa gaya! :D Maza aa gaya! Tu to bahut naam kamayega! ;-) All the best for BATOM!
PS: http://bit.ly/aliensandme
oh... this was a nice idea dude, lost in time...:D
back and forth, back and forth...a well thought concept. congrats!
you thought up all of this during a shower?! :o
wow dude. this was very nicely done..! taking us back and forth in time.. and that ending.. ! wonderful work! :)
@siddesh arjit and harpu
:) thanks guys >:D<
@ dilontherocks
lol....yes RGV would surely be interested in such things :D
@ sureindran and leo
Ya felt like making a concept...a narration and the story related to it with one character being a link between both of them.... i did it but i still think i could have improved a lot.... it became bit confusing....but still thnks guys for ur appreciation of small experiment i did.... never thought i would write something like this
@leo
And ya i do get my ideas whenever m taking bath....thts the time when i am most relaxed
That was one hell of a story... loved it... very well imagined buddy... keep it up and all the best for BAT!
Cheers!
Tavish
Blog: Sensible Bakwas
@TAVISH
THNKS BRO..... loved ur blog and ur joy lobo story too :D ... tht was the first one i read in time travels..... nice thinking.....
@ALL
do check out my main story HE WAS NORMAL too....
well woven tale!! tragic ending but an excellent read!
all the best for BATOM!
good one, very well written :)
It was like a hollywood horror fiction.
Nice story! :)
looks like akeera kurosova screenplay with gripping narration....
excellent read though lengthy :)
al d best for bat8 :)
@harsha
thnks :)
@neethra
Hehe hollywood .... wow thnk u soo much
@mahesh kalaal
Compairing this with akira kurosawa's work.... man thats a biggggg compliment...tho i dun think its that good.... but still really thnks a lot...n yup it became a bit lengthy.... :)
That was really good! a very nice thriller. I initially thought it was a love story or something but once the dadaji part started, you had me gripped. All the best for BATOM :)
And I liked the way you went back and forth. I really want to try writing something like that. It adds to the suspense :)
@evanescentthoughts
Hey thnks so much, and ya back n forth thing just came in my mind. And it feels good when a small experiment is being appreciated by u all.
Seriously, while writing i never felt its any good. I felt like i hve written a story like any other normal indian horror movie, hehe... nayways thnx so much. And ya you too can try it.... dun forget to post the link here as i would love to see your back n forth story. I might learn a few things from u :)
Imaginative mind had taken better of you.
Keep it up
Amazing, man, amazing. Really liked that 3 time lines style. When I saw you post, I felt it was too long and reserved it for the last. But after reading I was left feeling it is too short and wanting more of this. Your definitely one of the 5 I am considering for my vote. It is going to be a tough choice for me though.
That was bloody good, man. I enjoyed it very much. Taking the story in a parallel fashion is something of a hallmark of a thriller novel.
Wonderful attempt.
But if you don't mind, I have one or two things to say:
One, a prologue is not needed for a short story. Just starting the story with chapters is better.
Two, there are a few errors with tenses. I'm convinced they are typos. Do correct them. For eg: They walked ahead, the wind was little bit chilly. They can hear the voice of Ganga.
Three, keeping the conversations less and narrating more as an author would be better.
Four, justifying the time could have been avoided. I mean the headings, 1109 AD, 1997, etc. Let the readers figure it out for themselves. It will be more effective then.
Hope you don't mind. I usually don't get critical, but this attempt really impressed me so much I couldn't help noticing these things.
All the best for BATOM!
Cheerios!
@karthik
THank you so much man..... and yes tenses.... they are because story was not reviewed properly my mistake...... but i din have time coz i though blog a ton will go on for 2-3 days......
then the dates... Yes the thing is earlier i have written it without the dates and showed it to my friends...they got very confused so had to do it :( ...
Conversation thing i will keep in my mind from the next time :)
And ya about prologue, ya thts a mistake. earlier i thought of putting it as somewhere in future and then i dropped tht plan for prologue and yup u r right about it.
Thanks bro, thank you so much :)
@ the fool
Man m really very thankful for the appreciation..... thanks a lot for even considering me for voting.... :)
wen i 1st read it.i was scared.u wer succesful in entertainin n also keepin d topic alive.
welll done mate :)
Brilliant! Simply Brilliant. This could be made into a full-fledged film!
Nice piece of work Abhi..loved it..The suspense hooked me till the end..but wonder wat would have happened to Raj n Riya...Are u planning a part 2 for the story???
Nice attempt:) I like the style in which it has been presented! The plot is really good :) Good luck with BATOM! :)
Hey please clear the ending, if they both died then who wrote the story
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